Dumb Fantasy Reflects Dumb Generation

( 1 Vote ) Literature published in the late 90's sparked a resurgence of fantasy literature. But the revival wasn't restricted to "hardcore" fantasy. I hate to use such a term, but the phrase "respectable fantasy" would not register with many readers. Teen, or young adult, fantasy has always been around, in one form or another. But Rowling's Potter series made reading it a new national past time. I'm not here to trash the idea of kids reading; that's great. But the simplistic, cornball, unoriginal, and impractical prose and plots of these books poignantly reflect the new age of ignorant youth.

Unlike anything Al Gore says, this assertion is not up for debate. The mass of ineptitude that makes up America's youths and young adults consists of some of the lowest IQ's in America's history. I'm not here to blame failed education on teen fantasy. That's as ridiculous as blaming Columbine on id Software's games. You know, the Doom and Wolfenstein games played by millions upon millions of people? Hopefully, if I'm able to compile sentences in a logical and thoughtful manner to the degree that you have made it to the third paragraph, I could not possibly be here to make that nonsensical claim. Nope, I will leave that blame in the hands of baby boomers' piss-poor parenting (a topic for another article). I am merely a fan of literature, writing, and criticism, so I'm making some observations.

Too many students want something for nothing. I once worked a temporary, interim teaching position. I decided to disregard the previous teacher's wishes and cease playing the "read along" audio tapes. Students promptly howled that they liked to read - as long as someone read to them. Based on this sentence alone I could launch into a vocabulary rant (like the definition of "reading"), but I'll refrain. It is this something for nothing, "Why didn't my snowflake make an A in your class?" attitude that serves as motivation for protagonists in teen fantasy.

It is subtle but unmistakably present. It comes in the form of main characters being suddenly and inherently powerful, superior beings. This phenomenon is not specific to teen fantasy; it has a source. Luke Skywalker, for example, became aware of his heritage, left home, and began developing his "force." However, Luke Skywalker was not a freeloader beforehand; he was a moisture farming apprentice. Glamorous? No. Marketable, practical, demanding profession. Yes, according to the stern hand of Uncle Owen. However, many characters' entries into teen fantasy lack a professional background of any sort. This is precisely in where the problem lies.

Teen vampire-in-love stories are an easy target, but their immense popularity precludes omission. Who needs an education if you're immortal? Edward Cullen, a prime example of the "Boomerang Generation," doesn't seem to attribute much value to it. Although it took his father several centuries, he became a successful, wealthy doctor. Edward, on the other hand, has been chasing high school jail bait for the past 80 years. He's a powerful, sexy, immortal sex magnet drawing a livelihood from the Bank of Dad & Trust. He doesn't have time for self-improvement. There are werewolves and peace-defecting vampires to slay. Who would pick moisture farming over Edward's pimp crib?

Face it, public education's new mantra is that those who are "disabled" don't have to meet basic standards. But they're as capable as everyone else. Makes sense, right? Granted, Meyer's books are an easy target. But plenty of teen fantasy writers push characters with seemingly no use for marketable skills. A sludgy wave of "You're the son of So-And-So and only you can defeat pure evil!" stories wash up in theaters every couple of months. As of this writing, another is on its way; it concerns a middle-school-age son of Poseidon.

Appropriately, Percy (the "chosen one" in question) is diagnosed early on with ADHD and dyslexia. To create an indisputable victim, his whole life's story is set to the tune of "You can't do what everyone else does and it's everyone else's problem." Fortunately, he is the son of legendary Poseidon. Meeting educational benchmarks will not cross Percy's mind after he is charged with protecting and/or destroying whatever. The setup makes one wonder if author Rick Riordan was similarly diagnosed. He obviously never had to read any Greek Mythology. Poseidon was an Olympian Greek God with the choicest humans and goddesses at his urge's disposal. I can only assume that Poseidon would have hundreds of sons more capable than a skill-less 12-year-old. Who cares if the progressive policies under which Percy lives will render him unemployable after high school? He is THE son of Poseidon.

Harry Potter, though beloved by teens and stupid adults alike, equally succumbs to an illogical disservice to its readers. Harry's life is a bummer. One half of it is spent in an abusive household; it's unclear whether or not his relatives allow him to attend school. The other half is in Hogwart's, an institution equally uninterested in providing marketable skills. Sure, its students are of a higher caliber than in the muggle world. But what little degenerate would refuse to pay attention in Spell Casting 101? Algebra and World Literature be damned. I would have quit regular school too.

Any semblance of economy in Rowling's world is irrevocably paradoxical. Despite everything in Hogwarts being, apparently, free of charge, businesses exist on the school's outskirts. The institution and its students are spared worrying about tuition fees and room and board budgets. Feasts appear from the waggling of Dumbledore's finger. Essentially, the society is communist to the core. Ironically, textual evidence supports economic inconsistencies. One can graduate from Hogwarts, remain, and accept a tenured teaching position. On the other hand, one can return to the world of Muggles and suffer the Weasley's fate. Ron's family is pureblood, but why Mr. and Mrs. Weasley can't finger-waggle themselves some upward mobility is unclear. A perpetually reproducing family, the Weasleys reside in a quasi-capitalist muggle Britain, are poor, and are disdained by elitist families.

Rules that govern the world of hardcore fantasy contrast sharply with those of teen fantasy. To reference the basics, consider the Lord of the Rings. Neither Sam nor Frodo were freeloading teenagers. Granted, they lived in an idyllic agricultural society, but they were sustaining themselves just fine before Gandalf came to town. Dwarves typically employed themselves via mining. Elvish occupations are mysterious, but so it the bulk of everything else they do. Kings preside over Medieval-like societies with basic farming and industry. And wizards, well, who knows? Tolkien created a genre; he did not account for everything.

However, authors like Terry Goodkind and Robert Jordan extended what Tolkien began. In their universes, everyone plays a crucial societal role. In the Sword of Truth series, wizards serve as political and military advisers and town healers. Industrialized towns pay their healers through collected taxes. The Mud People analogously follow suit through common citizen contributions. They have to if they want to keep a doctor in the house! Not even wizards work for free in a realistic setting.

Furthermore, respectable fantasy's wizards aren't idiots. Despite Zedd wielding additive magic, one rarely sees him create wealth out of nothing; in fact, he lives in a perpetual state of starvation. At times when he does create gold to complete quests, he does so reluctantly and cautiously. He knows that any currency he creates devalues everyone else's; fruits of labor simply do not fall from the sky. One could argue that Zedd's actions reflect the necessity of printing money for desperate measures. On the contrary, Zedd never hands out his counterfeit funds to the masses in the manner of Obama's $200 Detroit handouts.

Richard Rahl, prior to becoming ruler of the Midlands, was a humble woods guide. He never hated rich people. Most of his customers were wealthy businessmen and political figures who lacked knowledge of forest navigation. Richard understood that wealthy people typically are the world's primary employers. My final example concerns Richard's wife, the Mother Confessor. Far from filling the role of a vacuous queen, Kalahn serves as a magic-infused criminal prosecutor. Although she inherited the power genetically, Kalahn did not just become a confessor. Unlike that claymore-wielding little bastard from the Narnia movie, Kalahn rigorously trained her entire life. Her skills are in such high demand that she travels the known world. For what jobs will graduates of Hogwarts be eligible (excluding government-paid jobs)?

Clearly, a massive divide exists between hardcore and young adult fantasy. Authors of teen fantasy favor "something out of nothing" economics and social standing. Their characters' worries are over when they discover their tubular powers. There's no struggle for upward mobility; it's handed to them through either fate or genetics. On the opposite spectrum, nothing comes easy for hardcore fantasy's protagonists. Even if they're inherently gifted, a long life of training and learning lies ahead. Plus, even at the peek of power, goods and services have to be in demand and priced appropriately.

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